Do's and Don'ts of LA Street Traffic

There are three classes of people, no four, and none should be exempt from these very simple rules. I've also made a separate class for those who have created the need for such rules.

Pedestrians:
First and foremost, you do not own the road. Yes, you have legal priority if you get hit by a car while doing something monumentally idiotic, you will be able to sue, BUT, that doesn't stop you from getting hurt over your own damn fault. Walking the streets of Los Angeles is your inalienable right. Observing the dangers of the road is your inalienable right. Not getting hit for doing something stupid, however, is your privelege. Don't ruin it. You might lose it one day. For example, should you see a car backing out of a driveway onto a very busy street, never mind that, onto any street, the first thing that should cross your mind should not be, "how can I get from point A to point B the quickest?" That is, for lack of desire to find a better word, stupid. Yes, you want to get where you are going, but you don't want to get hit do you? You do realize that you should assume all other drivers and pedestrians are as retarded as you are and should proceed with caution anywhere. That's a very simple lesson that doesn't need to be learned through any sort of anecdotal experience. If a driver should be backing out of a spot, looking for cars to avoid getting hit himself, it is not SOLELY his own fault if he doesn't see you and has a delayed response in stopping himself to make sure you don't walk straight into a car that's backing out at about 2 mph. He's just looking out for himself, first, and then others. Should be the same elsewhere.

At traffic lights - green does not equal go, I repeat (I really wish I had one of those not equal to keys on the keyboard) GREEN DOES NOT EQUAL GO. Green light means proceed with caution. That means, watch for incoming traffic that may or may not be looking out for pedestrians. It's not very difficult. You're not operating anything, except for maybe a cell phone, and if you are, it's twice as much an incentive for the driver to hit you. As a side note, small animals and children are pretty fucking annoying on the road as well. Keep them on a leash or within a two foot proximity so they don't become a liability. But as I was saying, watch for traffic as you cross the road. While crossing the road, by the way, do take consideration of motorists on the road. Just because they're not supposed to hit you for being slow as fuck, they just might out of spite. The weak and disabled are obviously exempt from this rule, but whether you're 90 pounds or 290 pounds, you should be able to haul ass within 5-10 seconds at a reasonable pace.

Motorists:
Where do I begin? Oh, that's right. Mirrors. They invented them for a reason. You have eyes too. And ears. And a thing called a head, that can rotate a reasonable angle on its axis to look over the shoulder. Use these said things to avoid accidents or near accidents, or just to avoid being called an asshole. Other don'ts; on a green light/green right turn, wait for the cars in front of you to go, don't try to cut around them. It's rude. It doesn't save you time either. When backing out of a driveway, try to check all your blindspots and for incoming traffic. You're not the only driver who exists in this world. When parking on the curb, try to leave space for as many vehicles as possible, some impatient fool might by angry impulse, completely demolish your windshield and front door and bail afterwards because of your lack of consideration. More to come but I've got shit to do.

Cyclists:
You realize you are very vulnerable to a collision by weaving through traffic with motorists. These collisions hurt. That's about as simple as I can make.

Parking Enforcement Officers:
Find a real job, one that requires some physical movement. You're getting paid to do nothing, and you'll end up doing nothing for the rest of your life. Your job fulfills no community necessities or benefits the universe in any way whatsoever. You should realize this and just go home. You'll still get paid anyway.





A special one for the city planners:
Fix those cracks, don't build houses on hills, avoid making stop signs every 20 feet, DON'T put a stop sign awkwardly perpendicular to the entrance of a parking lot.

More to come later, maybe I'll clean up the post a bit but really, I'm not gonna say I'm an incredible driver or anything, but at least I recognize these very simple rules that don't even require passing any dmv tests.