introspective thinking

Again, I self lament but, to say that I have learned much about myself and improved my own attitude and demeanor towards life is a gross overstatement. I have learned the same lesson over and over again, in academics, personal morality, discipline, patience and self-confidence, that I hardly have any confidence to work with at all. That already is saying too much and I am amazed that I am still trying to succeed. Of course I would like to think that I am smart enough to finally turn things around but I don't want to give myself the benefit of the doubt until I have thoroughly proved this to myself. That won't happen unless I turn back time, though. Everything I have done in perhaps, the past four years has been a waste. Regressive. I can always do my best from hereon. I will do my best from hereon, but that doesn't undo my mistakes of the past and the cost I've bore on those that care about me the most. I must learn to be more unselfish and thoughtful. I must learn how to focus myself on the positive and to filter out distractions. It all starts ground up, but with respect to my current predicament and while it can't be entirely independent, the personal initiation and the drive is so critical to this working out. Please, help me make amends and give me the willingness to do so.